Polyamory is becoming increasingly popular. Also known as ethical non-monogamy, it is defined by Merriam-Webster as “the state or practice of having more than one open romantic relationship at a time”.
There are many different types of polyamorous relationships, such as triads (three people in a relationship), quad (four people), vees (two people that are romantically involved with each other, but also romantically involved with a third person outside the primary relationship) and networks of multiple partners. It can be any kind of arrangement, as long as all parties are comfortable with the terms.
But just like dating monogamously, finding partners for poly relationships can be difficult for some people. So we’ve compiled a list of the best apps for poly dating to help you find your ideal partner(s).
Best Apps For Poly Dating
The COVID-19 pandemic changed everything, including how we view ourselves and our relationships. Dating app usage surged during the first quarter of 2020; more people than ever have come out as queer, non-binary, and transgender; and since vaccination rates have increased, so has an interest in ethical non-monogamy (ENM). And while there might not be one perfect polyamorous dating site that caters to every type of non-monogamous person, plenty of dating app options (and filters) do exist that can work for the ENM community.
I like to say I was ahead of the curve. I started practicing non-monogamy when I was 18 years old—before its surge in popularity—when my high school boyfriend and I agreed to an open relationship. Eight years later, I’m a non-monogamy educator. While I like to thank algorithms for introducing me to many of my partners, dating apps aren’t the most conducive to finding partners as a non-monogamous person. It can be hard to sift through the noise and find partners who are on the same page. Plus, the dating pool can often feel tiny.
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“It’s really hard, just by the nature of polyamory itself, to find experienced and dope polyamorous folks who aren’t saturated…no matter what app you’re on,” says Jessica Levity, polyamorous educator and entertainer. “I think ENM folks should be aware of the reality of dating app burnout. In general, using dating apps is a ‘numbers game,’ and that numbers game is even harder for ENM folks because it’s a smaller sample size.”
As a non-monogamous person, I’ve experienced this as well. No matter how many times I say I’m in a polyamorous relationship on my profile, I inevitably come upon people who immediately un-match me when they realize they can’t have me all to themselves.
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So, what apps can help us navigate these difficulties? How can ENM people work their way into a world—and an online dating world—that perpetuates the concept of finding a “one and only”? Well, first we pick our battles. Then we pick our apps.
My personal experience using dating apps as a queer, non-monogamous woman
Despite meeting my first romantic female partner on Hinge, this app in particular is one of the least amenable apps for ethical non-monogamy. It is, after all, coined as “designed to be deleted,” which perpetuates monogamy, so it’s not surprising that I found it difficult to be ENM on this app.
It doesn’t give you an option in your profile to designate the level of exclusivity you desire, which isn’t expected—but paired with the fact that your bio is actually a series of answers to their preselected questions, you have to get creative if you want to make it clear you’re ethically non-monogamous.
Still, because it attracts folks who are looking for more serious (monogamous) relationships, I’ve received the most skepticism about my lifestyle on it. Most of the men I spoke to on Hinge were confused about the workings of ENM or they saw me as a challenge.
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Tinder and Bumble, while not perfect, are pretty decent options for ENM folks. Their benefits have to do with numbers and simplicity. In the United States, Tinder and Bumble are the dating apps with the largest user base. Because these two apps are so popular, you’re more likely to run into others who are ethically non-monogamous—or at least open to it. The hard part: wading through the mass of humans (and bots) in order to find what you’re looking for.
Feeld and OkCupid are two of the best options for ethically non-monogamous dating. Feeld was made for ENM. Formerly called 3nder, Feeld claims to be “a sex-positive space for humans looking to explore dating beyond the norm,” and I’d say that’s true. When you make your profile, you can upload photos of yourself, link your account to a partner, and specify your “interests” and “desires.” There are a litany of options in terms of choosing your gender identity and sexuality as well as the types of accounts you want to see. If you don’t want to see couples? Cool. If you’d like to see only women? Great. It allows you to tailor toward the experience you’re looking for.
As for OkCupid, in 2014, the app added expanded gender and sexuality options for users to select. And in 2016, it added non-monogamy options. That, along with the questionnaire-driven algorithm, allows folks to more easily pursue what they’re looking for.
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But of course, my opinion isn’t the only one that matters. So I spoke with seven other folks who identify as non-monogamous about their favorites and definitely-not-favorites.
Here’s what dating apps are worth taking up storage space, according to others who identify as non-monogamous:
“I started with Feeld, which was great when I was first exploring and is incredibly [non-monogamous] friendly. It was an education and chance for me to learn a lot (especially what various abbreviations meant!) and I met some amazing people who have been really influential for me.” —Sammy, 29, London
“I gravitate more toward Tinder because the interface is better and I think it has something for everyone. [I find there can be] a lot more bi-phobia sometimes and a lot more people who are staunchly against ENM, but there’s also a lot more people who practice ENM. There’s a higher volume of users.” —Gabrielle, 28, New York
“The number and types of filters you can set on OkCupid is super helpful because I can adjust settings so that I only see folks who are non-monogamous or are open to non-monogamy, which is a feature none of the other major apps seem to offer.” —Michelle, 27, Oregon
“I felt that connections through Tinder and Hinge bred insecurity and performative detachment, whereas people on Feeld have an appetite for exploration and at the same time take a people-caring approach to their connections, which fosters a sense of openness and security in the ethically non-monogamous space.” —Kana, 23, New York
“I’ve found that apps like Tinder are more likely to draw in very casual dynamics, whereas OkCupid can be casual without the high traffic of glorified unicorn hunters (which in my opinion, are super unethical). Polyamory just felt less fetishized on OkCupid.” —Hanaa, 27, North Carolina
“I’m still active on Tinder; I like how the stakes feel low and it feels like a more casual way to just chat with people I think are cute. OkCupid makes the most sense to use for me as an ENM person. It’s so awesome to see so many other ENM folks on there, and I feel the most potential to form genuine and meaningful connections through there.” —Leah, 24, New York
“I don’t believe Tinder is great for ENM.” —Noa, 23, Colorado
Unfortunately, there will never be a perfect dating app for all non-monogamous folks. After all, we’re not a monolith. And despite ethical non-monogamy becoming more popular, the bulk of singles are still seeking more traditional relationships. That said, it is possible to find relationships that fit your needs as an ethically non-monogamous person on “regular” dating apps. You just might have to look a little deeper.
Here’s hoping dating apps evolve to become even more ENM-friendly, because the irony lies in the fact that folks who practice non-monogamy are the ideal customers for dating apps—we keep them even after we fall in love.
polyamory dating apps
We’ve made Ashley Madison the first site on our list because the basic purpose of this site is to encourage poly dating. Since the existence of this website, it has defined itself as a very private site where both married and unmarried people can explore their sexual options. Ashley Madison is one of the most popular polyamorous dating sites, which creates a platform for people with polyamory interests to meet. With over 54 million created profiles, Ashley Madison offers many opportunities for you to meet different kinds of people from different parts of the globe.
The site protects its users’ privacy by making it discreet; people can join the site without the knowledge of others. To maintain the discreteness of the site, it allows you to use any email of your choice and does not allow you to link your profile to any social media. There are other interesting features on the site, such as being able to mask your face, controlling your privacy, and customizing your inbox. A quick reply and travel feature allow you to match and connect with people even while you are on a trip; you can connect with anyone from different cities. Creating an account on this site is free, and you can start meeting people after a few steps.
OnlyFck OnlyFck is an adult site where you can find pleasure-driven people. The site is particularly focused and suitable for people who are into casual dating; you may not find your marriage partner here. If you’ve joined a site for casual relationships and ended up being disappointed because almost everyone on the site seemed serious relationships, be rest assured you won’t encounter such with OnlyF*ck; just as the name implies, they are pretty serious about keeping it casual.
What’s more, OnlyF*ck aims to help you find a casual buddy without the stress of going through relationships. There are tons of profiles for you to browse through to find someone to date. So if you’re particularly looking for something physical rather than love or relationships, you should check out the site; you are sure to get someone in minutes.
Adult Friend Finder
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If you are looking for a casual and alternative dating site, try AdultFriendFinder; it has more than 104M profiles with people looking for different relationships. AdultFriendFinder is one of the most suitable sites for people interested in NSA relationships and polyamorous relationships. It’s not only a platform for dating, but it also has a community where members can interact with each other.
What’s more, you can meet other polyamorous members in the community and discuss polyamorous lifestyles and other issues surrounding polyamorous dating. You can access this community after you’ve paid the registration fee.
Apart from the community, AdultFriendFinder provides other interesting features that engage their users, such as earning money on the platform and sharing sexual experiences. They allow you to gain access to read other people’s stories for you to learn or get busy while on the platform. There are various kinds of stories, including the ones that cover polyamorous dating.
Joining the site is fast and easy; make sure you are above 18 before joining the platform. Once you’ve successfully joined, then you can check out the millions of profiles for free. Note that you can gain full access to all features of the site after you upgrade to a paid plan. With AdultFriendFinder, you can find flings as well as people who want commitment and love. Whichever your options may be, you should try giving the site a try.
Feeld
Feeld is the most comprehensive and inclusive app online that encourages polyamorous dating. The app features a very lengthy list of selectable dates in terms of gender, personality, and sexual orientation. Creating an account is easy and quick on the app. There is a rigid review process to ensure that users have true identities; with this, you can put your mind at ease when browsing through profiles. Additionally, it has a feature that allows you to link your profile with another profile. If you are looking for a strict and secured dating platform where you can meet genuine people, Feeld may be your best bet.
OkCupid
With over 50 million users, OkCupid offers many opportunities for you to meet lots of people worldwide; this makes it easy for you to find people who share the same polyamorous interest as you. The site encourages both monogamous and polyamorous relationships; whichever you are interested in, you have the option of ticking your sexual options. If you have a partner who is a user of OkCupid, you can opt to link with your partner’s profile.
However, you may need to create a separate profile as the site doesn’t make partners have a joint profile. OkCupid has one of the most captivating series of profiles among other dating sites. You get the option of choosing from 5000 questions to answer based on your preference. You can only message and receive messages from others if you both like each other; this helps users filter their messages and avoid harassment from people they don’t want. Joining and creating a profile on OkCupid is pretty simple; answer a few basic questions, and you are all set. The answers you give will help the OkCupid algorithm to match you with other users of the site.
OpenMinded
Open Minded is one site that’s primarily dedicated to creating a platform for open relationships. The site is generally secured and designed as a free outlet where partners can express themselves in a way that suits them. The site provides a content section that gives you information about all you need to know about open relationships; you gain knowledge on how to start an open relationship and the rules to maintaining one.
Furthermore, Open Minded is a suitable option for veterans and newbies who are just starting in the poly dating world. If you are new to the platform, you may get confused with the slams used in the polyamorous communities. Open Minded provides a glossary fully dedicated to the vocabulary and terminologies you see flying around in the community forum to make sure you get acquainted quickly without much challenge.
Moreover, just as the name “Open Minded” implies, it’s easy for you to understand what the platform is all about. However, whether you are partly into polyamory or fully into monogamous relationships, we encourage you to try it out and see if it works for you.
Beyond Two
Beyond Two is a free dating site for people who are interested in having polyamorous relationships. With Beyond Two, you can find people in minutes. Like most social media sites, Beyond Two allows you to search for people, have conversations, and share opinions. You can also send countless messages, control your privacy and customize who can view your post.
One unique feature about Beyond Two is the “group feature,” which allows you to create a group about your desired topic and conform it to focus on a particular sexual orientation. The group feature allows you to engage and interact with people with whom you share similar interests and values; this makes it easy to get partners that match your sexual orientation.
Signing up to Beyond Two is completely free; you don’t have to pay a dime to be a user of the platform. However, while signing up, you’ll need to fill a long application that the site would use to send matches. With a lot of amazing features, Beyond Two could be what you’re looking for, especially if you’re looking to get into poly dating. So whether you are doing it for fun or satisfying your sexual orientation, you should certainly give this site a try.
Polyamory Dating
Polyamory Dating is a site that focuses on bringing polyamorous couples together. The site is more like a social network platform as you can read content about polyamorous dating styles, meet different kinds of people, and blog. We don’t classify Polyamory Dating as a new site as it has been around for a while. With many members looking for casual relationships, you will most likely get a match.
However, if you like being discreet, you may want to reconsider before joining this Polyamory Dating site as there is a lesser level of discreteness on this site. The site owner assumes that you should be confident enough to accept who you are and not be afraid to express your sexual orientation.
Additionally, the Polyamory Dating site focuses more on encouraging Polyamorous relationships as a better option since it gives you more options than monogamous relationships, which limit your dating options. You can join the platform by signing up through Facebook or on the website with an email. If you love being discreet, you can still maintain discretion by using a throwaway email to sign up. Plus, the site has some level of privacy; it protects your private information from hackers, and you can access it from a private location. Polyamory Dating site is worth a try if you are looking to find polyamorous interested people.
Endnote
The concept of polyamory remains unusual to many people as many people still see it as cheating or a justification for having many sexual partners. However, some people have this innate behavior to have relationships with several people. Polyamorous dating style is okay as long as there’s communication and consent from all parties involved. So if you find yourself interested in poly dating, you can try out these websites.
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